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I have lost my mobile! 😦 😦 And I’m crying for it… I have bitter-sweet memories of it. It was just like a bad pet; it always did what it wanted to but still it was my pet. But it was absolutely a great mobile to take pictures with! Guess such great quality cannot be expected from other mobiles. Unfortunately I don’t have a picture of it, only pictures taken by it. Well yes it had a chronic problem of restarting, and hanging itself out of the blue but still it worked, it served first my father and then me faithfully for, only a short time, but it served.

But I think it had some ulterior disregard for me. Ever since it first came into my hands it misbehaved. You know it was more like my dad’s bike which still only listens to him and not to me. It tried hard to get away from me, once going as far as jumping from my hand in the middle of the road right in the midst of traffic. I succeeded in rescueing it and chastised it for doing something as absolutley ridiculous! It could have killed itself! Then of course there have been numerous occassions on which it again tried it to escape falling from my hands, from my bed and once even from my trosure pocket while i was driving!!!! At all times I was able to rescue it and get it back under control but this time I cannot. It’s gone from me forever.

My dear mobile,

Wherever you go, may you keep good health! I wouldn’t wish you to trouble your new owner (becuase I think you will). But there are secrets to my heart that you hold, which I am afraid will be taken from you, even with your best efforts to oppose them. I will take measures to keep them safe. And I will always keep you in my memory through the numerous photographs you have taken.

Take my tearful adieu!

Sid

Well I had very busy weeks… Almost all the news has been good. (The only downpoint is that I’m not yet well). Nearly a month ago a German came to our company on his internship.  He is having good time here (I hope). We roommates took him and showed around the city. He is supposedly going to stay for 8 weeks and then go round the country. Thats pure wanderlust…. I have to plan such a trip myself.

Then I got myself a new “Honda Activa”. I know the question has already popped into your head if it is still alive. Sorry to say but its still okay (not without my best efforts).

So we went around the city. Went to Golconda fort, and man is IT IMPRESSIVE!!! I mean not too much remains in these remains (dirty pun right :D) but it is reallllly really huge and vast. Spent somewhere about three hours there (without the commuting time) and had a nice feeling…

But the mother of all happy moments is that now I am an UNCLE!!!! My brother and sil had a baby girl on 27th August!!! Name is “Asmita”, which means “self-esteem”. A cute-cuddling beauty!!! So now no longer cute boy :(, we have to be more serious now… (you know pretending to set a good standard until she sees through the glass…)

The downstory of all this is I’m sick from the last weekend… Guess its viral fever or something… and as if that wasn’t enough i’m having a bad stomach ache too. Well the bed’s calling me… So its good night fow now…

Well, my dear friends, my life as it stands now, is actually squatting. It has become staid. I guess everyone gets to this stage but I have come here too soon. And I have been coming here too often these days. Work is good, I am doing good projects. But I am not satisfied. Work is challenging but not challenging enough intellectually. I am using all the faculties I have but not much of my brain. It is slowly becoming rote. Of course I am learning a lot of stuff, a lot of technical and non-technical stuff but it is not stimulating enough. You know it is like a cup of coffee without much caffeine, you will like it, but it will not invigorate you.

You wake up in the morning, go about your routine, go to office, do your ‘job’, eat your lunch, talk to your colleagues, chat with your friends, make phone calls, talk long distance, browse through loads and loads of bits and bytes, sift through information, have couple of cups of coffee, discuss projects with bosses, and how, it is evening. Again have a cup of coffee with friends, talk with your friends, walk through back to your ‘room’/’house’/’abode’, sit in front of the Idiot Box, and watch whatever crap comes on it, laugh with the funny and even not so funny jokers on it, sing along to your favourite or not so favourite songs, comment on the heroes and heroines, villains and how they act, watch the depressing news with ever increasing bile in your mouth, watch the bulls and bears fight it out, watch wacky cartoons with great animations, try to avoid the soap operas with repeated cuts to faces and cross angles, eat your dinner prepared by your cook, sit in front of the computer, play games, browse net, chat with friends and family, talk with your parents back home (of course you are living away from home), and if you happen to have a girl friend, find time to talk to her, (while doing all the above) and voila! IT’S NIGHT!!!! So get to the bed, spread a sheet over you, make sure it is covering all grounds and doze off into another wonderful night of sleep! Wow, what a day it was! Wasn’t it great!

Yes I have a life lot easier than many of us. I do not have to wake up at 4 or 5 in the morning to catch a bus/auto/train (or maybe all of them) and commute for couple of hours to my office where I have to anyway do all the above and the picture wouldn’t be much prettier. I must admit there are few things that are far better for me than others and I bet so many of us would give anything to have such a life where you are not bothered by the vagaries and demands of life, but let me tell you that this is not for which we were born as humans on this planet. If it was routine that mama earth wanted us to follow it would have made a machine, not a man/woman. There must be some ulterior purpose for our lives, a greater driving force than the pursuit of bread, clothes and shelter (the (in?)famous trio of roti, kapda aur makan); well honestly, since I’m getting this part quite easily I think I am not much bothered by it, but if I lose it I guess that will become my utmost priority; but what is the true motive force, the emf for my life, my little piece of sunshine? I have not found it yet but my search in this darkness continues.

I have to admit it (though no one asked me to!) I am a victim of my own lethargy. I’ve got enough inertia to hold the earth running in its motion for another billion years with another big bang happening right next to it! All it would have to do is give a litlle shrug, as if it were flicking off a fly from its body.

But why, why DO I have to put up with myself!!!!? I don’t wash clothes properly; if its done once in a month it would be absolutely great! I have got a collection of socks that would last any modern Indian cricketer for a century! Heck my own legs haven’t felt the touch of soap for last couple of millenia… who will bend so low!!!! The clothes and paraphernalia (I had to refer the dictionary to look up this word’s spelling; why do they have to make words so hard!!!?) strewn on my bed have now become fossils. I didn’t even dare look under the bed! The dust collected on my computer’s table and monitor is enough for constructing another Taj Mahal, albeit a mud one. I can anytime give the princess-with-long-haired-by-which-the-prince-can-climb-castles a run for her money, or to that matter our very own great sadhus and sants with the state of my unkempt hair. I would have stopped even brushing teeth if only I hadn’t hated my own stinking bad breath so much… These are but only few characteristic traits that spring into my mind for ready recollection (alas I don’t have wand to draw them and put them in a bottle, that would have been so easy and useful.)

Enough of my self-bitching, but there it is, in the public… (Hope I can pull myself off this chair and get to bed)

I was always late to school. There is no denying the fact, no escaping the truth. My mom was a teacher there and she had a really tough time getting me ready to school, what with cooking food for us and she herself getting ready. And I had a penchant for losing my bus passes. I guess I would have lost at least three of them. It frustrated my dad so much that he stapled it to the front cover of my mathematics text book. Of course I had forgotten to take the text book with me.

I started going to my school alone on my own from my sixth class. My mom used to come a bit later than me. Did I feel awkward if I was found travelling with my mom, hmmm….. I think not much. Except for the thought that I would be looking like a kid and so I started out going alone to school, but I guess thats quite normal. I sometimes used to go to school with my brother, who was elder to me by 4 1/2 years, but it was only occasionally. I now can’t remember why the both of us never used to go together! Maybe it is because by the time I started to go to secondary classes, he was almost out of them. Anyway I was travelling alone on one such day when I had forgotten my bus pass and didn’t have money in my pocket. The minute the bus conductor had asked me to show my bus pass, I searched and found I didn’t have it on me. I panicked. I rummaged through my back, upturned all my books and poured out all the contents of my school bag pockets, but nothing came up. Neither the bus pass or money to cover the fare. (I am not too sure if I hadn’t had any money on me, maybe there wasn’t enough!) I looked frantically about to see if I could find someone who could help me out. And I found one.

He was one of the guys living near to me and I seeked his help and he gave me one rupee. That was the fare (I think) enough to take me from my house to school. I can never forget the feeling of gratitude I had felt for that guy at that moment. He had earned, from that single one rupee coin, a great fan, a follower. I had felt the importance of that one rupee like I had never felt for all the money I had spent on the choclates, pencils or any other sundry things I had bought. My parents, despite the tight string budget that we lived on, what with seven to eight of us family members (we were the only two kids), never let us feel that we lacked what was essential to us. Yes we missed all the comics my classmates could buy, all the freedom to watch our favourite programs on a color TV, or the super cars and games few of my other friends used to play with. We really had what we wanted and never lacked what we needed. And that mattered immensely to that little brain of mine then.

All it took me to realise this was that one rupee. I wish I could say now that I had learnt a great lesson and that I took it with me all my life. Alas I can’t claim that. I still don’t spend my money properly, but thankfully I am not a spendthrift (I think). And still I can appreciate and value each rupee.

The wrecker of all relationships. Husband-wife, parent-child, and even friends. The one feeling that can really break, disintegrate and incinerate any relationship.

 

But why do we doubt others? Because they have lied before on other things? Or because we think they cannot be trusted? Or that they have misbehaved? Why is there so much of mistrust in relationships? Because there is lack of communication? But then why is there a lack of communication? Because there wasn’t a good relation in the past? But isn’t that exactly why we should communicate? To make / mend relationships? This is all a vicious circle. But always there is a same end to this circle. Broken hearts, fragmented friendships and disintegrated relationships.

 

But the biggest capacity of doubt is that it feeds on itself. It is like any parasitic virus. Someone you ‘doubt’, whom you cannot trust, no matter who it is: your son, friend, spouse; even if they are telling you the truth you do not believe them. Though on the face of them you say ‘yes’, your mind says ‘no’! Always No.

 

Here is an interesting case. Someone doubts someone is upto something. Or worse, someone thinks that someone is plotting something with someone else. So though the first person tells you the truth you do not trust him! And it really makes no meaning who it is. Your son, your friend, your relative, your partner, your junior, your senior; it doesn’t matter.

 

I wonder if any psychologist has ever studied how this guy feels or what goes through in their mind all day. Has anyone ever wondered how this guy must be feeling not to be trusted? He wakes up in the morning and the first thing that comes into his mind, “Good morning dude! Your parents don’t trust you!” Or “Good morning dude! Your best friend thinks you are a cheat, that you back stabbed them!” And the day has just started.

 

And the rest of his life is ahead of him.

I hope this cliche, now immortalised by the our dear Arnie, comes true at least time for me…. I’ve been off the circuit for quite some time… Had so much of things going through my life, but didn’t just get the time to put them on web… by this you can guess how well I’m connected to the web…

 Still some might say this is just a silly excuse… everyone has the same 24 hours… And I totally agree with them, not just the lack of time but the very lack of a driving force kept me away from writing a blog…

Still I think it is time for me to mend my ways and get back online. Not just to share what others say but also to add my own thoughts. Well if you say that is why anyone ever writes a blog, hmmm… i’ve to just agree with you and say I’m just adding my words to the definition.

 So whats up with me? I’ve changed my job and am now working in a private firm doing my little bit for the sake of the environment. Not much of any original contribution, as of now i must add, but a small contribution indeed. To put it more clearly I’m now embarking on a journey whose end is positive contribution to the environment. How I do it is the challange.

I’ve even shifted my home. Rather, my parents have shifted and we’re now Bangaloreans, no longer Vizagites. It’s a wee bit strange to move on from a place you are so accustomed to to an altogether new city. Well, thats life. As my favorite actress’s character puts in the movie “Garden State“That’s life. If nothing else, its life. It’s real, and sometimes it fuckin’ hurts, but it’s sort of all we have.” The hurting part is most applicable to the ppl who died in the recent Hyderabad blast… Imagine going to a recreation spot and getting blown off by a bomb!!! That’s really sad… More on this later.

And then my brother got married. Thats was a great thing… He got his soul mate and me I got someone who’ll be on my side when we try to torment him… Unfortunately he is more adept at it… but we’ll try and keep trying until we conquer him…

So thats it for now… more from tomorrw on…