I have to admit it (though no one asked me to!) I am a victim of my own lethargy. I’ve got enough inertia to hold the earth running in its motion for another billion years with another big bang happening right next to it! All it would have to do is give a litlle shrug, as if it were flicking off a fly from its body.
But why, why DO I have to put up with myself!!!!? I don’t wash clothes properly; if its done once in a month it would be absolutely great! I have got a collection of socks that would last any modern Indian cricketer for a century! Heck my own legs haven’t felt the touch of soap for last couple of millenia… who will bend so low!!!! The clothes and paraphernalia (I had to refer the dictionary to look up this word’s spelling; why do they have to make words so hard!!!?) strewn on my bed have now become fossils. I didn’t even dare look under the bed! The dust collected on my computer’s table and monitor is enough for constructing another Taj Mahal, albeit a mud one. I can anytime give the princess-with-long-haired-by-which-the-prince-can-climb-castles a run for her money, or to that matter our very own great sadhus and sants with the state of my unkempt hair. I would have stopped even brushing teeth if only I hadn’t hated my own stinking bad breath so much… These are but only few characteristic traits that spring into my mind for ready recollection (alas I don’t have wand to draw them and put them in a bottle, that would have been so easy and useful.)
Enough of my self-bitching, but there it is, in the public… (Hope I can pull myself off this chair and get to bed)
I was always late to school. There is no denying the fact, no escaping the truth. My mom was a teacher there and she had a really tough time getting me ready to school, what with cooking food for us and she herself getting ready. And I had a penchant for losing my bus passes. I guess I would have lost at least three of them. It frustrated my dad so much that he stapled it to the front cover of my mathematics text book. Of course I had forgotten to take the text book with me.
I started going to my school alone on my own from my sixth class. My mom used to come a bit later than me. Did I feel awkward if I was found travelling with my mom, hmmm….. I think not much. Except for the thought that I would be looking like a kid and so I started out going alone to school, but I guess thats quite normal. I sometimes used to go to school with my brother, who was elder to me by 4 1/2 years, but it was only occasionally. I now can’t remember why the both of us never used to go together! Maybe it is because by the time I started to go to secondary classes, he was almost out of them. Anyway I was travelling alone on one such day when I had forgotten my bus pass and didn’t have money in my pocket. The minute the bus conductor had asked me to show my bus pass, I searched and found I didn’t have it on me. I panicked. I rummaged through my back, upturned all my books and poured out all the contents of my school bag pockets, but nothing came up. Neither the bus pass or money to cover the fare. (I am not too sure if I hadn’t had any money on me, maybe there wasn’t enough!) I looked frantically about to see if I could find someone who could help me out. And I found one.
He was one of the guys living near to me and I seeked his help and he gave me one rupee. That was the fare (I think) enough to take me from my house to school. I can never forget the feeling of gratitude I had felt for that guy at that moment. He had earned, from that single one rupee coin, a great fan, a follower. I had felt the importance of that one rupee like I had never felt for all the money I had spent on the choclates, pencils or any other sundry things I had bought. My parents, despite the tight string budget that we lived on, what with seven to eight of us family members (we were the only two kids), never let us feel that we lacked what was essential to us. Yes we missed all the comics my classmates could buy, all the freedom to watch our favourite programs on a color TV, or the super cars and games few of my other friends used to play with. We really had what we wanted and never lacked what we needed. And that mattered immensely to that little brain of mine then.
All it took me to realise this was that one rupee. I wish I could say now that I had learnt a great lesson and that I took it with me all my life. Alas I can’t claim that. I still don’t spend my money properly, but thankfully I am not a spendthrift (I think). And still I can appreciate and value each rupee.
The wrecker of all relationships. Husband-wife, parent-child, and even friends. The one feeling that can really break, disintegrate and incinerate any relationship.
But why do we doubt others? Because they have lied before on other things? Or because we think they cannot be trusted? Or that they have misbehaved? Why is there so much of mistrust in relationships? Because there is lack of communication? But then why is there a lack of communication? Because there wasn’t a good relation in the past? But isn’t that exactly why we should communicate? To make / mend relationships? This is all a vicious circle. But always there is a same end to this circle. Broken hearts, fragmented friendships and disintegrated relationships.
But the biggest capacity of doubt is that it feeds on itself. It is like any parasitic virus. Someone you ‘doubt’, whom you cannot trust, no matter who it is: your son, friend, spouse; even if they are telling you the truth you do not believe them. Though on the face of them you say ‘yes’, your mind says ‘no’! Always No.
Here is an interesting case. Someone doubts someone is upto something. Or worse, someone thinks that someone is plotting something with someone else. So though the first person tells you the truth you do not trust him! And it really makes no meaning who it is. Your son, your friend, your relative, your partner, your junior, your senior; it doesn’t matter.
I wonder if any psychologist has ever studied how this guy feels or what goes through in their mind all day. Has anyone ever wondered how this guy must be feeling not to be trusted? He wakes up in the morning and the first thing that comes into his mind, “Good morning dude! Your parents don’t trust you!” Or “Good morning dude! Your best friend thinks you are a cheat, that you back stabbed them!” And the day has just started.
And the rest of his life is ahead of him.
I hope this cliche, now immortalised by the our dear Arnie, comes true at least time for me…. I’ve been off the circuit for quite some time… Had so much of things going through my life, but didn’t just get the time to put them on web… by this you can guess how well I’m connected to the web…
Still some might say this is just a silly excuse… everyone has the same 24 hours… And I totally agree with them, not just the lack of time but the very lack of a driving force kept me away from writing a blog…
Still I think it is time for me to mend my ways and get back online. Not just to share what others say but also to add my own thoughts. Well if you say that is why anyone ever writes a blog, hmmm… i’ve to just agree with you and say I’m just adding my words to the definition.
So whats up with me? I’ve changed my job and am now working in a private firm doing my little bit for the sake of the environment. Not much of any original contribution, as of now i must add, but a small contribution indeed. To put it more clearly I’m now embarking on a journey whose end is positive contribution to the environment. How I do it is the challange.
I’ve even shifted my home. Rather, my parents have shifted and we’re now Bangaloreans, no longer Vizagites. It’s a wee bit strange to move on from a place you are so accustomed to to an altogether new city. Well, thats life. As my favorite actress’s character puts in the movie “Garden State” “That’s life. If nothing else, its life. It’s real, and sometimes it fuckin’ hurts, but it’s sort of all we have.” The hurting part is most applicable to the ppl who died in the recent Hyderabad blast… Imagine going to a recreation spot and getting blown off by a bomb!!! That’s really sad… More on this later.
And then my brother got married. Thats was a great thing… He got his soul mate and me I got someone who’ll be on my side when we try to torment him… Unfortunately he is more adept at it… but we’ll try and keep trying until we conquer him…
So thats it for now… more from tomorrw on…
Anyone visiting my blog after few weeks would find that there hasn’t been much of any change here… And it is indeed so true… I have been busy. Busy in searching jobs, finishing off the ‘last rites’ with my college (with still few pending like getting CC, etc…)
In the meanwhile, the people who know me (and don’t yet know whats happening here) might be interested to know that my dad shifted to banglore from here, our tiny place in vizag. thats a big step forward and in an year or so my mum will be joining him too there.
but more important than that is the question of my own job. here is an issue of grave concern. i am sticking to searching for non-it core jobs. let’s see what happens…
Well, this is the best thing that has happened since a long time… I have caught up with a dear old friend of mine, Vinodh. We were classmates and benchmates at Vikas Jr. College. Though we were together for, I think a little over one year, I rank him as one of my closest friends.
After we bid goodbye to each other that afternoon, six years back, I couldn’t again get in touch with him. I tried the internet and my other classmates with whom I stayed in touch, but I couldn’t get any information. But once I got a supposed address and I tried, but couldn’t reach him.
Now, just yesterday I remembered that he was as much tech savy as me and so I guessed he would have definitely started a blog of his own. and when I checked it, yes he had! This was amazing!!! Thank you so very much internet for once again proving to be more easier medium of communication and connection!
Ok, there is no need to panic…. Its just simple and though i am not much satisfied by the way it has come to, I think we can manage it…
The swiftest thing in the world,
That which can scale a mountain
Fathom the depths of ocean
Watch a beautiful sunset
Smelling the evening blossoms,
Taking a dip in a lake
Crssing by vast plains
Touching the skies sinking in the seas,
Floating in clouds,
Embracing the stars playing with the moon,
Sleeping on a bare rock
Gentle breeze caressing our bodies,
Diving with fishes
Running with deers
Gliding with doves
Twittering by butterflies
Lying at peaks…
A guest to nature’s feast
For the senses…
Its our wandering hearts,
Our wandering souls…